


Archive's bitches groupchat

by Nik0lai



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast), The Mechanisms (Band)
Genre: Multi, groupchat fic, the mechanism's was jons uni band
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:34:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25412473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nik0lai/pseuds/Nik0lai
Summary: Tim stoker has changed their name to hot stuffhot stuff: welcome welcome welcome sexy ppl of the archives xxhot stuff: except for u jon, you are not that welcome, nor are you sexc:/obviously its another group chat au, set just before season one begins. I would prefer to keep all characters alive, but we shall see👁️👁️
Relationships: Basira Hussain/Alice "Daisy" Tonner, Sasha James/Tim Stoker
Comments: 18
Kudos: 149





	1. Chapter 1

**Tim stoker has created Archive's bitches groupchat**

**Tim stoker has added Sasha james, Martin blackwood, Jon sims**

**Tim stoker has changed their name to hot stuff**

**hot stuff:** welcome welcome welcome sexy ppl of the archives xx

 **hot stuff:** except for u jon, you are not that welcome, nor are you sexc:/

 **Jon sims:** You should be working right now, Tim.

 **Sasha james:** ew. Jon,, i mean this in the nicest way possible-

 **Sasha james:** your texting is disgusting

 **Martin blackwood:** yoinks why is it all like,, grammatically correct🤢

**Martin blackwood changed their name to martea**

**martea:** speaking of,, i'm doing tea rounds xx

 **hot stuff:** my one true love😍

 **Jon sims:** Everyone get off your phones, and Sasha, I want the follow up for Nathan Watts' statement on my desk before you leave today.

 **hot stuff:** uuuughhh Sash, want to get drinks tonight?

 **hot stuff:** and marto dw we would never leave you out xx

**Sasha james has changed their name to sash🍃**

****sash🍃:**** tim, i am right next to you

 **sash🍃** : literally what is wrong with talking now?

 **sash🍃** : and @Jon sims I'll have them on your desk by 1

 **Jon sims:** Thank you, Sasha

 **martea:** i could hear jon sigh from the kitchen,, wild

 **martea:** @hot stuff i am always up for drinks w yall

 **sash🍃** : ew we aren't american martin "yall?"

 **martea: **😞** **I pretend i do not see **👁️** **👁️**

 **hot stuff:** asgjhdgsjg nooooo

 **Jon sims:** OK, if you all don't log off I'll ✨accidentally✨ add Elias.

 **hot stuff:** we are gone.

 **sash🍃** : vamoose.

 **martea:** 🏃🏻

**Jon sims is offline**

**martea is offline**

**sash🍃** **is offline**

**hot stuff is offlin**


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> and so we are into pre first episode territory, love how im putting too much effort into setting this out where jon won't be despised by his assistants

**Jon sims is online**

**Jon sims:** @sash🍃 I know you said you would be heading out to drinks tonight, but do you remember where the tape recorders were stored?

 **hot stuff:** why r y srriill three? 🦵

**hot stuff is offline**

**Jon sims:** Hello Tim, is Sasha OK? How come she's not responding?

 **sash** 🍃: i am here

 **sash** 🍃: why do u need tape recorders? I thought you were recording statementd on your laptop

 **Jon sims:** I was but this statement won't record.

 **Jon sims:** It stopped the software on my laptop, it ended up crashing.

 **martea:** but itxsss like 9 rgn wehyn arer u srtill therdd

**martea is offline**

**sash** 🍃: martins phones been confiscated, but the question still stands

 **Jon sims:** I just got caught up in work, you know what a state it is.

 **sash** 🍃: I'll tell u in the morning. go to bed jon

 **Jon sims:** I- ok. See you all on Monday, hopefully hangover free.

**Jon sims is offline**

****sash** 🍃 is offline**

**hot stuff:** @martea can I have a coffee instead of a tea?🥺

 **martea:** I still can't believe you got that drunk yesterday as well

 **martea:** you knew you were coming in,, why would you do that to urself

 **hot stuff:** so... is that a no?

 **martea:** siiigh I will make u coffee dw

 **hot stuff:** 🥵😍🥺that's hot marto

 **Jon sims:** For gods sake tim can you not even pretend to be professional here?

 **hot stuff:** Jon u should know by now my desire to flirt cannot be contained🙄

 **sash🍃** : sorry I'm running a bit late today, the underground was late😢 should be in in about half an hour xx

 **Jon sims:** That's fine sasha, thank you for telling me.

 **martea** : love how we've all collectively decided to ignore any flirtation attempts™

**hot stuff is offline**

**martea: 😌**

**sash🍃** : I AM HERE!!

 **sash🍃** :ew why was elias in reception, I don't want to see him so early in the day

 **martea:** absolutely valid

 **martea:** also @Jon sims I found a stash od tape recorders,, im bringing them to ur desk

 **Jon sims:** Typo's aside, thank you, Martin.

 **hot stuff: 🤢🤮** who told you typing w proper grammer was good? they were lying to u

 **Jon sims:** Thank you, Tim, however no one asked for your opinion.

**martea: 👀🥵**

**sash🍃** : OKAY! enough of that, down boy. 

**sash🍃** : @Jon sims I'm coming in to check on ur laptop , check you havent just accidentallly broken it

 **Jon sims:** My saviour.

**Jon sims is offline**

**sash🍃** **is offline**

 **hot stuff:** ik bossman is probs gonna have a fit when he sees this bc he hates the word spooky or whatever,b ut you know what i mean, right??

 **martea:** yeah,, i mean,, statements about horrifying things are fine when it turns out to be hallucinations

 **martea:** but when its a horrifying thing that might b real bc it won't record and is literally impossible to put onto modern tech,, say it w me now;;

 **hot stuff:** spoooo000oky

 **martea:** spoooky ;_;

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sidenote I miss tim


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nathan watts' statement of the angler fish is upon us at last!!

**sash🍃** **is online**

 **sash🍃** : hhh you know how I was saying it was weird elias was in the reception 

**sash🍃** : he is now the vulture of doom

 **sash🍃** :a cursed man,,

 ** **sash🍃** : **idec that hes technically the Big Boss,, that was too coincidental that Jon made his first real statement today and he was there

**hot stuff is online**

**hot stuff:**?? first real statement? you never told us what happened you two 

**martea is online**

**martea:** tell us!! we have been waiting in suspense for over an hour!!!! >:(

 **sash🍃:** jon still doesn't believe it's in any way supernatuaral,,,,

 ** **sash🍃** :** like, sorry boss but our follow up along with previous does, in fact,, give credit to the story 

****sash🍃** :** he was just like 'nope :) he wass just drunk , im sowwy'

**Jon sims is online**

**hot stuff:** oooooo ur in trouble nooooow

 **Jon sims:** No she's not Tim, don't be stupid.

 **Jon sims:** However.

 **martea:** always a however 

**Jon sims:** HOWEVER. I resent the usage of the 'sowwy' please deign to never use that again.

 **hot stuff:** oo boss man bringing oot the fancy words

 **martea:** never heard anyone use deign thats not under at least 50

 **Jon sims:** Did you want to hear about what just happened, or not. I can and will leave you in the dark, and Sasha won't tell you anything because she _lives_ for office drama.

 **hot stuff:** betrayal!!!!

 ** **sash🍃:** **ohh but he's right. has me down to a T

 **hot stuff:** begin ur bossiness

 **martea:** i heard that sigh jon,, that was a big sigh

 **Jon sims:** It's deserved.

 **Jon sims:** OK. So you all know I was trying to get more statements recorded so I could file them away, yes?

 **martea:** coughoverworkingyourselfcough

 **Jon sims:** I got to the current statement of Nathan Watts and it corrupted any sound file I tried to create of myself reading it. 

****sash🍃** :** it was vv bad

 ** **sash🍃** :** he tried like 8 different recording softwares and they all ended up being corrupt.

 ** **sash🍃** :** whebever u tried to play it back it was just strong static and high pitch squeals,, sounded gross and completely unusable

 **sash🍃:** tbh it nearly broke ur laptop 

**Jon sims:** I'm still not sure why you sounded so cheery about the fact. Oh, and I forgot to ask, but @martea where did you end up finding the tapes?

 **martea:** they were in a box in storage,, were they all empty?

 **Jon sims:** Yes, for better or for worse, all of the tapes were blank.

 **hot stuff:** weird

 **hot stuff:** one might even say,,,

 **Jon sims:** Please don't say what I think you're going to say.

 **hot stuff:** SPOOKY!

 ** **sash🍃** :** the office disappointment 

**Author's Note:**

> comment if u want 👉👈


End file.
